


Boys Don't Cry

by Junior4323



Category: Succession (TV 2018)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kenstew if you squint, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, caroline and logan are bad parents, the roys as kids/teens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 13:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21476518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junior4323/pseuds/Junior4323
Summary: Kendall gets sent to the principal's office for the first time at eight, gets drunk for the first time at twelve, and tries coke for the first time at seventeen. These acts are a cry for help, but Kendall doesn't see it that way. And Logan doesn't care unless it effects his image.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	Boys Don't Cry

He was eight when Stewy convinced him to sneak off to Central Park during lunchtime with a few of their classmates. They played tag and Kendall demanded being “it” first. One of the boys, Bryan, had asthma and couldn’t run for shit. Kendall went after him, but tripped on Bryan’s untied shoelace instead of tagging him, stumbled to the ground, and managed to scrape his knee, hands, and cheek all at once. He blinked away the tears so his friends thought he was tough, but Stewy insisted on going back to school anyways.

After a trip to the nurse, they sat in the headmasters office until their parents or a nanny could swing by to pick them up. Most of the boys were the sons of lawyers and doctors, people who at least had a moment to pick up a fucking phone call from their kid’s school. Stewy’s mom came first. She fretted, but Stewy was clearly unbothered and even paid Kendall one last smirk over his shoulder before leaving. Kendall had to wait until the end of the day when Yolanda arrived at her normal time to go home.

He squatted at the top of the staircase when he heard his father finally get in from work.

“I’m sorry Mr. Roy, they tried calling you, but you didn’t answer your phone.” His father muttered something unintelligible under his breath and soon after the elevator descended with Yolanda inside.

Kendall caught a glimpse of Logan heading up the stairs so he scurried back to his room and found a book to pretend to read. His door creaked open and Logan entered. He stood at the foot of Kendall’s bed with his arms crossed, not saying a word. Kendall waited a few moments before peering up from his book. “So I hear you broke the rules today, huh?”

Kendall opened and closed his mouth, but no words came out. Soon, his lips started to quiver and tears streaked down his face, over his bandaged cheek. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I won’t do it again."

Logan sighed and left the room without another word. Kendall could tell he was disappointed and deep down he knew it wasn’t because he broke the rules. 

* * *

He got invited to his first bar mitzvah at twelve years old. Kendall wasn’t even a huge fan of Jonah Goldberg, but he had to see what all the hype surrounding these parties was about, so he went anyways.

At first, he thought it was a mistake. Stewy bailed at the last minute so he barely knew anyone in attendance and the music was god awful pop. The DJ wouldn’t even honor one of his multiple requests for N.W.A or the Beastie Boys. He was about to cut his losses and leave when he witnessed two Chapin girls discreetly empty a flask into the punch bowl. Kendall served himself one cup of the punch. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then he was dancing to the trashy music without a care in the world. Jonah’s dad dragged him off after twenty minutes and yelled at him to leave for making a disturbance. Kendall felt too good to get embarrassed like he usually would in this type of situation so he just laughed his way to the exit.

It didn’t take long for Kendall to fall into a peaceful sleep that night. The morning after was another story. Kendall rolled out of bed, his head in a fog. He headed downstairs where Roman, Shiv, and his parents were already seated at the kitchen table eating eggs and bacon. “Nice of you to join us,” Logan scoffed, a respite from bickering about something with Caroline. Their squabble returned while Kendall waited for the cook to fix him a plate. He sat down across from Roman, but he couldn’t work up the appetite to start digging into his food. Instead, he took a sip from his glass filled with freshly-squeezed orange juice, but that was a mistake too. His stomach lurched and he nearly threw up all over the table. Kendall managed to keep the bile down, but the rest of the table looked at him with weird expressions anyways.

“Dad, why’s Ken looking like a freak?” Roman asked.

“Not nice, Rome,” Shiv said, stabbing her last piece of scrambled egg with her fork.

Logan stopped arguing with Caroline and ate his plate in silence. He side-eyed Kendall who moved his eggs and bacon around with his utensils, but didn’t take a single bite.

“Well, I’ve got a flight to London to catch,” Caroline stated matter-of-factly once everybody except Kendall was done with breakfast.

“But Mommy, you just got here,” Shiv pouted. Caroline leaned down to plant a kiss on her forehead and ruffle her strawberry blonde locks.

“I’ll be back next week,” Caroline said, but that didn’t seem to relieve Shiv. “How about I call you tomorrow?” Shiv nodded her head excitedly.

Caroline rounded the table to give Roman his kiss goodbye. “Can I come visit you in London?” he asked. “Make eggy peggys?”

Caroline sighed deeply. “Maybe we can all go next year.” She walked over to Kendall. “You better not have some request for me too.” Kendall shook his head. Caroline kissed him on the cheek and scrunched up her nose in disgust. “Your breath…”

“What?” Kendall asked, stone faced. Caroline glanced up at Logan and the two of them glared at each other in a battle of Who’s Gonna Be The Parent Today? In the end, it was neither.

“Make sure to brush your teeth, okay?” She squeezed his shoulder and Kendall nodded. Caroline left without another word to Logan. They all noticed, but no one wanted to acknowledge it. Well, except for Roman.

“Why does Mom hate you, Dad?” Roman asked. Logan responded by kicking Roman’s chair out from under him.

“Hey!” Kendall shouted, and it was the first time he worked up the courage to yell at his Dad since Logan hit Roman with a pitch at the softball game on his last birthday.

“Oh, I don’t want to hear anything from you,” Logan said. Kendall gestured for Roman and Shiv to leave the room once the attention was turned on him. “I got a call from Mr. Goldberg this morning.”

Kendall shrugged his shoulders, his eyes glued to his feet. “I–I–I...um, I don’t know what you’re uh…”

“Look at me!” Kendall slowly raised his head. His eyes brimmed with tears.

“I just had some punch so I...um, well it’s not really my f-f-f–”

“Don’t embarrass me,” Logan said, shaking his head. “And man the fuck up. You’re almost thirteen. Those Jews are right about that part.”

Kendall bit the inside of his cheek to give himself something else to focus on and the threat of full-on crying subsided. When Logan finally retreated to his study, Kendall dug through the kitchen pantry and found one of the cheap bottles of wine a guest had brought that his parents never drank. Kendall spent the rest of the day listening to rap on his Walkman while drinking the wine straight from the bottle. The more he drank, the more the sting of Logan’s words faded away.

* * *

By seventeen, Kendall was spending most of his Friday and Saturday nights getting shitfaced. High school was a pressure cooker, even though a part of him always knew he could coast through and still get accepted to the college of his choice. He used the weekends to blow off steam which wasn’t too hard when his parents were constantly fighting or attending business meetings on other continents.

It got worse in his second semester of junior year when Stewy started inviting him out to sketchy house parties in The Village.

“Uh, Stewy? Where are we–”

“Shut up, Ken. I’m already regretting bringing you here,” Stewy said as Kendall followed him up a narrow six-story walk-up.

“My calves weren’t made for these kinda stairs, Stew.”

“I swear to god, if you embarrass me in front of a bunch of NYU kids, I’m gonna come to your house in the middle of the night and perform a vasectomy in your sleep.”

Kendall laughed. “NYU? Seriously?”

“You don’t know shit, Ken. You think a Columbia student learning how to cure cancer or whatever-the-fuck knows how to score prime drugs?”

“I know where to get good weed, Stewy.”

“Not just weed, bro,” Stewy said. He knocked on the door before Kendall could interject.

“Hosseini!” A lanky kid wearing a _ Reservoir Dogs _ t-shirt and holding a bong opened the door and slapped Stewy on the back.

“Good to see you, Pat. This is Ken. He looks like he’s got a rod up his ass, but he drinks like a fish,” Stewy gestured at Kendall who could only offer some weird half smile and a nod.

Pat lead them over to a worn couch that was at least as old as Kendall, and they sat on the opposite ends of two girls drinking beers. They were immediately all over Stewy, completely ignoring Kendall. He tapped the one sitting next to him on the shoulder and she turned to look at him with a frown. “What do you want?”

“I’m Kendall.” He reached out his hand, but she didn’t shake it. The girls fawned over Stewy some more before one of them pulled a tiny bag of white powder out of her pocket and tapped it on the coffee table. “Is that, uh–” The girls ignored him once again, but Kendall caught a glimpse of Stewy glaring at him over their heads before doing a line himself so he shut up. There was one line left on the table when Stewy and the girls were done and one of them passed Kendall a rolled up twenty dollar bill. “I’ve never, um…”

“Just do the coke, bro,” Stewy insisted, already over his faux moral crisis.

“Alright, alright.” Kendall braced himself and snorted the line.

“Pretty good for your first time,” the girl sitting next to him commented. “Sorry for being rude earlier, I’m Sarah.” She smiled at him and he felt more alive than ever. Sarah reached for his face and Kendall instinctively flinched. “Just hold on for a sec, you gotta little…” The second time, Sarah wiped her thumb underneath Kendall’s nostril which was a weird sensation. Apparently he found it arousing too. “Umm…”

Kendall followed Sarah’s eyes down to his crotch where his pants were tented. He could hear giggling around him and his face grew beet red. Kendall excused himself to the bathroom and didn’t see Sarah again for the rest of the night.

Stewy and Kendall left at two in the morning, yelling as they ran down the quiet street toward civilization and taxis. “Let’s take the fucking subway!”

“Do you want to get molested by a homeless person?” Stewy asked, sprinting to catch up with Kendall. “God, I thought you said you had weak calves.”

Kendall shook his head. “No, man. I’m feeling...I’m feeling like fucking Rocky Balboa right now.” He placed his hand over his racing heart and grinned.

“Uh huh,” Stewy said, walking over to the cross street and hailing a cab while he caught his breath. “Sucks that your boner ruined that whole thing you had going with Sarah.”

Kendall tensed up. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, c’mon Ken. You were looking like a middle schooler who just saw his first tit. Everybody noticed.”

“Everybody?” Kendall started getting fidgety.

“Relax, bro. It happens to the best of us. Well, not me, but lots of people.”

Kendall slowly backed against the brick wall of the building on the corner. A cab pulled up and Stewy was about to get inside when he noticed Kendall was no longer standing next to him. Stewy rolled his eyes, but waved the driver off to an extenuated honk. He joined Kendall against the wall, just looking at him for a moment. “What’s going on, dude?” Stewy asked. He actually seemed concerned which surprised Kendall. Stewy was never concerned for anyone but himself. “You’re shaking.” It wasn’t until Stewy pointed it out that Kendall actually noticed. He held his trembling hands out in front of him and when he couldn’t get them to stop he launched himself off of the wall and positioned himself so he was facing Stewy. “Seriously? You’re gonna cry right now too? God I wish I had my camera!” There was the old Stewy.

“I’m–I’m not cry–” Kendall held a hand up to his cheek and rubbed away a tear with his finger. “It’s probably just the coke, right?” Kendall mumbled.

“Never happened to me,” Stewy said. “Look, I know you don’t have a modicum of self-awareness, but don’t you ever realize you’ve always been the same little boy who cried when he scraped his knee playing tag?”

Kendall gripped the lapels of Stewy’s coat and slammed him hard against the brick wall. “Fuck you.”

“You know I’m right. You just learned that you can’t go crying home to Daddy anymore if you want him to respect you.”

“Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou,” Kendall ranted as he pummeled his fists into Stewy’s chest. He finally stopped when he was out of breath and let out a sob he’d been holding onto for half of his life. His hands still clutching the coat, Kendall lifted his chin over Stewy’s shoulder, holding him close.

“What the fuck are you doing, bro?” Stewy shoved Kendall off of him. Kendall tumbled to the ground and stayed there. Stewy sighed and sat down next to him.

“Why do I feel as bad and as good as I’ve ever felt at the same time?” Kendall asked. His eyes were red and puffy, but he finally stopped crying.

“It’s the coke.”

“How do I feel this way again without the, you know, bad?”

“Next time, don’t get an inopportune boner when a college girl flirts with you.”

Kendall laughed at that. He laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. He knew it was the coke and he knew that it was making him feel good. Only good.

Eventually, they hailed another cab and got home safely.

The next morning, Kendall walked down to the kitchen where the cook was making chocolate chip pancakes for Roman and Shiv.

“Where’s Mom?” he asked.

“London,” Shiv said.

“Dad?”

“Work,” Roman answered.

“On a Sunday?”

Roman and Shiv shrugged and headed over to the table with their stacks of pancakes. Kendall joined them a few minutes later once the cook heated up a fresh batch for him.

“Do you have a problem?” Roman asked Kendall as they ate their breakfast.

“What kind of problem?”

“I heard you get home at, like, three in the morning. You do it a lot. I don’t think Dad cares, but...whatever.”

“I’m fine, Ro. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I’m not worried about you, I’m just thinking about the likelihood of you dying of alcohol poisoning and calculating how much more of Dad’s money I would get if you did.”

“Fuck you.”

“Language!” Shiv yelled at them. “And don’t joke about Kendall dying.”

“Oh, grow up.”

Shiv threw a piece of her pancake at Roman and he retaliated with one of the blueberries from the bowl of fruit at the center of the table.

Kendall felt a swell of emotions come over him as he watched his siblings laugh and fight at the same time. He thought about Roman’s words and the hint of concern in his voice. He thought about how Stewy smelled the night before when he cried into his jacket and how he made Kendall laugh mere minutes later. He could feel his tear ducts start to activate when Logan entered the kitchen in a huff. He looked Kendall straight in the eye, something cryptic behind his withering stare. Kendall blinked his eyes dry, swallowed the lump in his throat, and returned his attention to his pancakes.


End file.
